You can take these or leave them. These are simply a couple things that have been running through my mind quite a bit about marriage lately.
Here are two random, completely unrelated tips:
1. Schedule your times communicate about frustrations.
First, this forces you to think rationally and it prevents a destructive pattern from forming where arguments are always handled in the moment. Second, it forces you to think about what really matters. If you are scheduled to discuss your disagreements and frustrations twice per week (or more if there’s a lot you struggle with), then you may even forget about some of the stuff by the time you’re ready to talk. The stuff that is important can then be discussed in a healthy way as planned.
Specifically: set ground rules for disagreements and know when an argument needs to be stopped. Having a way to determine if one person feels more strongly than the other about a topic is really helpful too.
2. Be spontaneous.
I think a lot of marriages get in trouble because of the boredom factor. Affairs are often described as attractive because they’re new and exciting. If you do some things spontaneously to treat each other or spend time together, the boredom factor can go away. This also leaves each spouse encouraged. Small gifts, favorite fast food or grocery items, little notes of encouragement, etc. can keep a marriage fresh.
Specifically: make a list of 4-5 things your spouse could plan without you knowing that would really feel like an encouraging way to spend time together. Have your spouse do the same and share your lists.
Take ’em or leave ’em. Two tips I thought I’d share.